....Life will be a journey, perhaps not the journey you expected...

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Carefree Blogging Takes A Hit

The road makes a sad and unexpected turn....
By Marsha Abbott
Looking back over the last 8 months I’m reminded of the day I decided to start a blog. Filled with ideas about current events, political eruptions, delectable food and drink recipes, northwest travel and weekend escape ideas, I couldn’t wait to set forth. Whether anybody read it or not, didn’t matter. Weary of ‘reality T.V.’ and dreading the upcoming dark northwest winter, starting a blog was the perfect idea for evening boob tube avoidance.

I set forth with great ideas and couldn’t wait to tell my husband that we had to ‘get out there’ and grab a bigger sample of life because I had to find something to write about. While planning that first adventure I decided to write my first article on the Health Care bill and how it would affect a variety of Americans, from low income to business owners. What? I think I was delirious. Next idea. How about sharing a great margarita recipe? Yes, my creative juices were beginning to flow.

Then on a beautiful sunny Sunday morning the phone rang. I received news that my daughter had been killed. A nightmare descended into my home and into our lives. A horribly black nightmare.

Life stopped for me. It stood still. Adventures, laughter, music, travel and recipes meant nothing. That phone call forever altered my world, my future, and my sense of joy. In the months of privately grieving for my darling Molly, I started a journal. That journal will forever be private, but what emerged from those writings was a desire to share my story with others. I have met others traveling this heartbreaking road and all of us seek help and comfort. I read everything I could get my hands on. I talked to our Rector. I learned about life after death and communicating with those who have gone before us. I searched. Then I decided to refocused my blog and begin to share parts of this journey.

There have been many vacant ‘grief’ months on this blog, where I could NOT write anything. The place of darkness was vast and deep. But I’m back, sharing the thoughts and musings of a mother and family who have had to alter their view of the American dream. I look at life with hope and joy, but with a clear window into the suffering of others. I am often overcome with tears from out of the blue and I doubt that will ever change. I understand irreparable loss. I am the mother whom the other mothers never want to be. I represent their greatest fear. Because of that, I’ve experienced the love and compassion of women who try to put themselves in my place. I pray they never actually have to experience it. I give thanks for God’s compassion shown through them.

One of Marsha's two daughters daughters (19 years old) was killed in a gun accident in Sept ‘09. She maintains a facebook page titled A New Journey, dedicated to helping grieving parents. She lives with her husband in the Pacific Northwest.

No comments: